Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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