i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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