I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
