You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
