New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
