his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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