too bad you live with your parents still
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
