My friends, they love my intelligence
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
