But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
