he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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