what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
