you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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