1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize