I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
