My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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