Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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