he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize