There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
