I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
