And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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