Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
