If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
