i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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