Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
