well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
