Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize