my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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