Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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