i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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