roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize