I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
