this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
