I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I pour the whiskey from now on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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