I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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