just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
