; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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