Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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