Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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