I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
