Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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