So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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