The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
