Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
