Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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