there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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