Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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