I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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