Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
