I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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