Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
