Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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