I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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