I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
