i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
