Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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