After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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