I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
