I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
