i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
