no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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