so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
