Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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