I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
