I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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