O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
