I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
