so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
