Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
