Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
