i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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