Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
