it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
