The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
