please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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