omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
