just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want a musical about memes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
