I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
