Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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