Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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