Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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