new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
