My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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