if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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