If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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