remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
