I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
