Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
