My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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