Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
