just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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