I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
