Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
