I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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