I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
