I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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