where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
