he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
