Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
