so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize