I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
