Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
