Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
