guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
